Weird feelings

Whenever I see you, I tend to get some kind of mysterious feelings that I am filled with contentment and anticipations.

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I want to go back to the past
and make a trip down memory lane,
with my heart noting your absence
it will never be the same as before.

I forgot the feeling of getting lost. I cannot enjoy the joy. I have completely lost the concept of peace. I try to maintain myself but the actions go by. I want to hold my heart but it keeps on fleeing. I want to stop my thoughts but thoughts form its own autonomy. The brain that once used to be the powerhouse of my body is now of no more functions. I get a feeling that I am walking with my one eyes closed, its blur, fogs making it worst, with the cold creeping in I get a feeling of agony in my heart. 

I try to concentrate on one thing and the result becomes just the opposite, for instant, I am thinking about a book in front of me and my thoughts disappears from it, goes somewhere else where my heart wants to be, where I belong to and where I have longed for. There is a place somewhere in between those love and hatred. I do not desire love anymore, I prefer something less, I do not wish hatred either, and I prefer something better. If heaven thinks, I have suffered enough, I would wish to go to that place where I belong. If heaven is not satisfied with my pain, with my loneliness, I promise to take all my share of suffering with my heart open.